I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
