What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
