Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
