I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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