how can u be prego again
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
