I heard we made out
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
