I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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