I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
