I puked a lego.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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