OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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