this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
