maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
