I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
