Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
