So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
