Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
