did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
