So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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