Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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