He uses pillows to masturbate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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