how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
