So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
