Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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