just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
