I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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