Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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