and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
