I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
