matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think your dad took our porno
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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