I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
