i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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