We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
