its not stalking. its research.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
