youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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