Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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