also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
