ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
