Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
