you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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