She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
