Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
