this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
