so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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