Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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