There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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