The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
