you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
