If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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