6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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