my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
