People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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