I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
