Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
