I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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