I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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