But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
